Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
