So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
