Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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