I can tuck mytits in my pants
Can Purell be used as lube?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
