I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Randomize
