my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
