the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
