I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
