so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
