is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
