He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
