She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
