I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
