Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
