We're like a lot better than the average bears
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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