I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
