mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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