He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
