im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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