that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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