Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
