i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
