Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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