so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
