She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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