Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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