I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
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Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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