I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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