I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
