It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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