she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
