help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
