I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm at about main and main street
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
