it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
