well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
