Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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