I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
