My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
