i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
is it fun? or sober?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
