i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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