I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We need to get me chipped asap
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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