he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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