my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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