Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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