Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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