The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
