The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
