when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
