I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
