Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish I only lived at night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
