LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
