im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
