I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
