I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
