just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
