I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
