I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
