People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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