i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
