Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
