So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
