If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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