Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
