Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
