By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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