I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize