If i come over, it means nothing
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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