you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need a burrito and a hug.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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