Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
