Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
