I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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