i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
