I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
