the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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