my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
